Hoop-lah at the movies

I went to see "The Kids Are Alright" today with my friend Wendi. Great movie, interesting plot. And lots of you-know-what. Don't take the kids. You don't want to have to explain anything.

I predict Annette Bening will get an Oscar nod. And Mark Ruffalo? He definitely should win something for being a great looking guy.

The price of inefficiency

Once upon a time nothing got by me. I was organized to a fault. Bills were paid on time. The laundry was done. Bathrooms were clean. Dinner was on the table. But somewhere down the line something changed.

Maybe it's the lack of time. Or the lack of interest. Or having to be responsible for too much. Before you know it, the shower hasn't been cleaned in months. The checkbook hasn't been balanced in a year. And you find yourself sitting in the Polk County Treasurer's Office because you forgot to renew your car registration.

Have you been there lately? It's not a place for the faint of heart. Lines are long, seats are scarce, people are very, very irritating. I am never going there again.

Whether that causes me to reform my ways remains to be seen. But I'll risk the ticket or hire out the job. So if you're looking for something to do this time next year, give me a shout. Even if I remember to renew, I'm sure my bathrooms will still need cleaned.

What I like about you

Today's post is for Riley, who asked me to write about his awesomeness. How could I say no? Here are some things about him I think are awesome.

1. He has the best smile and is still this cute today.

2. He is smart, smart, smart and keeps trying even when he's frustrated.

3. He is a good athlete, but more importantly a good sport.

4. He considers C.C. his best friend.

5. He still sits on my lap and lets me snuggle.

6. He has a kind heart.

Did you get my postcard?

I went through my Dells vacation photos and thought I'd share these.

This one is my favorite.



Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah . . . what's his point?



How did this moose get in here?



Can you feel the enthusiasm?


You might have noticed I didn't post any photos of me. I am sure the lens on my camera failed during those shots. We'll be shopping for a new one. One that accurately shows my fabulous bikini body. You know, before I was deemed flabby.

Notable vacation moments:

• Carly won at mini golf thanks to a five-stroke penalty levied on Big Dog for his nagging wife humor.
• Big Dog and Riley both got a hole-in-one on the same green.
• Paying $6 for a black cherry snowcone.
• Watching police arrest a barely dressed 20-something for shoplifting. Handcuffs and a search. What can I say, we're gawkers.
• Multiple go-cart crashes because S-L-O-W apparently means G-O for some folks. A little scary to think some of them actually have a driver's license.
• Great food at a downtown eatery we found. Pricey, but worth every penny.

Think about going with us next time. We're lots of fun.

Misery for all

Remember those spacers the orthodontist would put between your teeth? They still exist in their itty-bitty, what the heck glory, but now they come in cool colors. That probably runs an extra $1,500. Maybe they were always colored. I can't remember.

Either way, Riley really likes them. So much that he pulled out a tooth (that was only sort of loose) so he could get rid of one. Hello? That kid is totally whacked.

And on a unrelated note, did you know that I am the worst mother EVER? Reality is probably second worst. But now I have a goal!

Hanging with the party animals

It's 9 o'clock on a Saturday, and the regular crowd shuffles in . . .

Which means I'm parked on the couch with C.C. and Mike watching crime TV. Googling how to clean a fiberglass tub and Rocky and Bullwinkle DVDs.

I need something to do. But it has to be near a bathroom. Without a line. Because I'm still fighting my vacation parasite. Self-diagnosed. Googled it.

Really? This is what I'm doing on a Saturday night?

I need a vacation from my vacation

I went on vacation and all I got was sick.

I will post more when I feel better. After all, we encountered the police - again - so I know you'll want to hear about that.

From fab to flab

The dream is over. Carly now says I'm too flabby to wear a bikini.

Numbers 11-15

Happy Monday everyone. I'm back with my list. I know you've been checking for it two, maybe even three times a day. You're welcome.

11. I love to sing, but the Hoop-lahs tell me my singing stinks. La-la-la . . . I can't hear it. Can you?

12. Double dipping makes my skin crawl. I have no problem drinking from someone else's drink though.

13. I've been to lots of concerts, including Rick Springfield, Donny and Marie, Starship, Bon Jovi, Kenny Rogers, Barry Manilow, Richard Marx, AC/DC, 38 Special, Little River Band, Joe Walsh, Michael Jackson, ZZ Top, the Black Crowes, Billy Joel, Peter Frampton, Jerry Lee Lewis, Loverboy, The Hooters, and Miley Cyrus. I'm sure I've seen more, but remember my memory problem?

14. When I was growing up, everyone called me Jody.

15. When I was about four, I disappeared for a few hours. When my mom found me, I was in the neighbor's basement watching her refinish a chest.

Guess who's getting dinner out?

Today's plan was to work this morning, and then hit the pool this afternoon.

That didn't work out.

Instead, I got to take PTO. And use the shop vac. And scrub the cement floor. And carry carpeting and other stuff outside to be hosed off. And pick the grossest stuff you've ever seen off of every surface possible, including myself.

So here's my advice: When your floor drain hiccups one day, see if you can do something about it, especially if your wife mentions it. Because believe me, if it explodes the next day and she has to clean it up by herself, things are going to get tight.

Hoop-lah all wet, version 5

Tonight's guest blogger is Carly. She wants you to know catching Riley and friends on the lazy river is very hard. There's pushing and shoving, and it's hard to see when you're floating backwards. And the waves get massive for 10 minutes every hour.

Thanks Carly. Let's throw it back to me.

You might have guessed we hit the pool again today. Lots of fun and all the usual - screaming kids, crazy water rides, concession stand, police . . .

Stop. Did someone say police?

Oh yeah. Before you chastise the teenagers for being, well teenagers, it wasn't them. Oh no, it was an adult, a dad. Escorted out. From the kiddie pool. With his family trailing behind him. Not a Kodak moment. But maybe those don't exist anymore now that everything is digital.

Big Dog and I watched the commotion, and I asked him if he has ever been escorted out by armed guards. Big smirk and a no. Hmmmm . . . inquiring minds want to know. Stay tuned.

Me 6-10

6. My secret celebrity crush is Bill Pullman.

7. I almost never win at thumb war.

8. My favorite dessert is strawberry shortcake. (Written by Carly - This is true. You should bring me some!)

9. In junior high, I was in a speech contest at the American Legion. I came in second, even though I forgot my speech.

10. I got braces in junior high but was in college before I got them off.


Totally unreleated, but did you see the story about Iowa kids being too short to detassle? I'm taking Riley today to sign up!

25 things you don't know about me

In increments of five . . .

1. I have a terrible memory.
2. I was three college credits short of a major in sociology.
3. I volunteered at the women’s prison in Mitchellville.
4. My childhood pets were Kitty, Angel, Moses, and Pepsi.
5. My favorite books are the Trixie Belden series.

Oh no you didn't

Someone is trying to tell me what I can (and can't) write about on my blog.

That's not going to fly. After all, I have a journalism degree and know all about my free speech/press rights in the 5th Amendment. That's the right one, isn't it? I might have skipped class that day.

So let me share my blog philosophy: I'll write about whatever I want. But I won't be mean. Or purposefully embarrassing. And if you tell me you don't read my blog then watch out. Because I'll write about you, a lot.

Are we clear? Good. There will be a quiz.

Hoop-lah all wet, version 4

Here we are at the Ankeny parade. If you saw my Facebook post, notice the mood swing.

Ever been to a parade with pole dancers on a float? Me neither. Until today. And no, I'm not kidding.

So why haven't I posted this week? Had to save my energy for today. Parade and the pool. I know your week isn't complete without my pool report, so here we go.

The new Ankeny pool rocks. Except for the overcrowded parking lot. And the parent who called her kid a bad name.

It shouldn't take more than two PA announcements to get you to move your car.

Pissed off pool staff on the PA are funny.

Don't climb into your floatie too soon on the lazy river. You'll get stuck. Yes, that was me.

You're gonna have a fun-filled day . . .

We've gone to Adventureland every summer for the past seven years. Here we are at the beginning:



Carly was three. Riley was six.

Here we are now. Carly is nine. Riley is 12. And Big Dog and I are officially middle aged.



Have we changed?

I know you want one of these

Check out the cool prize Riley and Carly won at Adventureland. It cost only $30 for them to "win" it. Maybe more. We stopped counting.

Boys of Summer

Would I kid you?

Bonus post . . .

At this exact moment there is an SUV in my neighbor's driveway advertising the Chicha Shack Hookah Lounge.

I wonder if they serve nachos?

Hoop-lah all wet, version 3

Observations from the pool:

My Shaun Cassidy towel still rocks.

Full tattoo on your chest and back? Skip the patterned swimsuit. Trust me.

The last shaded chaise lounge brings out the worst in people.

Carly suggested - without sarcasm - I wear a bikini next time. God bless her!