Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!

I've learned over the years that nothing kills a New Year's resolution faster than making one and talking about it. So this year I proclaimed to not have any. Although I secretly did. Just one.

2012 Resolution - Exercise the brain.

I've mentioned before that I have a hard time remembering things. Or maybe I haven't. It's hard to say. Somewhere between 1985 and yesterday my mind developed a pothole. For whatever reason, most details funnel into it and are never seen again. I realize it over and over in conversations. I should know what you're talking about but most of the time I don't. The fact that everyone else but me seems to have recall is a little weird.

I've started to pay attention to news stories that talk about exercising your brain to keep it functional. Find ways to keep it active, the experts say.

Which brings me to yesterday, when I found myself with some time to kill (no pun intended) in a sportsman's warehouse. Not being much of an outdoors person myself, I went to the place that felt most familiar, the book section, and found this. Here's something I don't know, I thought. A chance to learn something new.

What did I learn? Grizzly bears and black bears will eat you. Maximize your chances of staying alive by using a neutral-colored tent. Don't pee or poop near your tent. Don't try to climb a tree or run to get away from them. They're faster than you. Girls, whatever you do, don't go camping when Aunt Flo is in town. Remind your significant other that, like at home, you-know-what isn't going to happen. Those bears smell it all. And they think you stink.

I know I won't remember most of this, but here are my take-aways. Make sure your vacation plans include a Holiday Inn. When you check in ask if there are bears nearby. If the answer is yes, get the hell out of town.

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