So I wound up with a splinter the size of a femur in my thumb. I know those visuals don't jive, but trust me. It was that big. A little yard work gone bad. Next time I'll stay on the couch like the rest of the Hoop-lahs.
You'd be impressed with my left-handed surgery skills. A safety pin, a quick shot of the "medicinal" variety and BOOM - as good as new. Except for a little swelling and redness. Maybe I should've cleaned off that safety pin first.